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Where did the time go?

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Sep. 11th, 2014 | 02:07 am
mood: Wierd

Has it really been this long since I last posted? How strange to think that so much time has passed and now I find myself feeling the urge to write again.

So much has happened since 2010 and I hardly recognise myself in some aspects. I'm not sure if that is a good thing just yet. We will have to wait and see.

So in brief.

Sunny and Smiley are growing like weeds. Sunny is almost as tall as me and still a few years away from being a teenager. Smiley is slowly but surely making her way in the same direction. I'm so proud of these glorious creatures I have the privilege of calling my daughters.

Lucy (our dog) died just shy of her 14th birthday last year. Seemingly her nervous system decided to pack it's bags and leave and within two months she was gone from this mortal coil. She'd chewed through laundry doors, eaten my blinds, chomped her way through all our vain attempts to grow watermelons, stolen cat food, defended our home and stolen our hearts. Even the Vet had a tear in his eye.

We lasted 2 weeks before we cracked and got a successor. Lena is now the hell spawn cat chaser of the house. Yes I'm a sucker for punishment. Having just turned one she has successfully eaten my laundry wall, discovered the delightful hobby known as truffling for cat poo in the back garden, become my shadow and personal toilet companion. It's like Lucy left her a secret list of tasks to uphold. Titan (our old boy cat) tolerates her and Pebbles (our new girl cat) wants to assassinate her. As for Hubby, well, if she would stop peeing in submission every time he speaks to her he'd be super happy.

What else...oh my business is no more. Last year my business partner decided to betray my trust and walked out. In that moment my world imploded and I'm still reeling from the shock of it all. She has never offered up any real explanation and to this day I don't know why she did what she did with such complete disregard. After 10 years of almost sister like friendship and 8 years as business associates, I was left to sort out the mess whilst she "took care of herself". What I do know is that she lied to my face and I made the mistake of trusting face value and believing her to hold the same value and honour towards things as I did. I'm all for looking after self but not at the detriment of someone else.

If I'm honest it broke me. I had stuck through the difficult times during the property market collapse, her agoraphobia, struggled with my internal angst regarding increased responsibility as licensee and desire for a better work/life balance and always believed I was doing the right thing by hanging in there. There is a saying that the road to hell is paved by good intentions - it really is true. I've been left doubting my own judgment and my confidence has been destroyed. I'm a bit lost and feel great shame that I allowed someone to hurt me this badly. I'm struggling to find a direction. What I do know is that I must learn from this. I must find my way past it. How do you find your way past it?

Well after that Debbie downer I am signing off for now. I'd forgotten how much time slips away when you write. It's nice to be back though. x

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